so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
