I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
