I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
