They have a pepper shaker for pot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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