FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
