well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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