I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dear god my vagina.
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