wakey wakey hands off snakey
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
