I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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