like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
