I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
