I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
