listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
