I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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