I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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