Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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