I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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