she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
