hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
