I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
