1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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