Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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