He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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