Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
