I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
