Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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