Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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