marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is wine microwaveable?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize