brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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