forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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