my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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