I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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