i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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