I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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