I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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