Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My feet surprised me
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