I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
