I just threw up on my dentist
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
