I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
