in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
