"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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