you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
