a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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