i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just threw up on my dentist
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize