Who did Billy Mays play for?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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