I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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