I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
