Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
