So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
