I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
