I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
