tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
