Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
