Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
