just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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