i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize