apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
