i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
