im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
And then he peed in my hair
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