So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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