You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
