The maid of honor just puked.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
