I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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