I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
