My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
