Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
