I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
