She's the barista slut.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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