i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
