I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
