I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize